Home Alone

Okay, I know that I have two Christmas movies on my top ten list, and neither of them is Home Alone.  I know that.  But here's the thing: What I have to say about Home Alone is much more interesting than "I just like it SOOOOO MUCH!!!" Which is what I would have ended up writing about either Elf or A Christmas Story. 

So, listen.  If you were a girl born roughly 30-35 years ago and you say you never had a crush on Macaulay Culkin... well, that's just nuts.  I have no reason to trust you anymore unless you just weren't into boys at all.  Which I guess is an excuse, but it's the ONLY one.  He had the cute-boy looks but you knew he was really a bad boy underneath it all.  First of all, he was terrifying in The Good Son and if you didn't watch that you were cheated.  There's currently a movie with the same name on Netflix but don't let it fool you.  You probably just missed your chance to see Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood in a scary movie, and Mack (that's what I called him; we were in pretend preteen love) was truly, truly frightening. At least he was to a kid.  I haven't seen it since then. Also, he hung out with Michael Jackson and divorced his parents and got married when he was 17.  He even wrote a book called Junior and if you ever find it, it is your immediate responsibility to get it into my hands, like, yesterday.  Don't ever forget that!

Okay, sorry.  Back to the movie. 

I would guess that Home Alone is probably the most universally popular Christmas movie of all time.  It's also one of the few movies that I can watch with my husband and our preschool-age kids that we all enjoy.  The music, for one thing, is beautiful even though it's a comedy and that somehow works.  Now, when you hear the word genius, you might think of just science and math but John Williams is definitely a musical genius.  Like, what is the movie with the best score that you can think of? Star Wars? Jaws? Harry Potter? Indiana Jones?  John Williams.  It's all John Williams.  Plus over 250 more movies and TV shows! That guy... he can afford to give out full-size Snickers at Halloween, you know what I mean?

My favorite part of Home Alone, though, was not even Kevin or the music.  It's Daniel Stern's piercing shriek, after which he smashes Joe Pesci's ribs to bits with a crowbar in the tarantula scene.

Those two are the perfect pair for this movie and I'm glad to say that if either of them has ever made a bad movie, I haven't seen it.  Joe Pesci has an interesting life story, too.  In fact, that's another book I'd read like my life depended on it.  Someone tell Joe Pesci to write a book right away.  Tell him I said. 

Alright, then.  I've got tons more I could say (some of it even about the movie!) but I'm worried I'll end up assigning you more homework.  I'll check in with you next week and of course I'll keep up with your comments to see how you're coming with Pesci and with the Culkin book.  I also expect to see an argument or two from those of you who've seen a bad movie starring one of the Wet Bandits.  I'd actually like to watch it.

Well, that's my two cents on Home Alone.  Keep the change, ya filthy animal.